Heaven's Gates are Closed
by XXShiro-KunXX
Summary: It should have been easy, just to let go. It should have been nothing less than putting his left foot in front of his right and then vice versa until he was off the goddamn turret. He would've been unconscious, long before he hit the ground and crumpled like a paper ball. There should have been nothing to it...


It should have been easy, just to let go. It should have been nothing less than putting his left foot in front of his right and then vice versa until he was off the goddamn turret. He would've been unconscious, long before he hit the ground and crumpled like a paper ball. There should have been nothing to it then stepping off but his bloody luck and courage had finally given out, for once in his life the Boy Who Lived could not just plunge head first into the darkness.

_Clip my wings, tear the feathers out and render me useless._

Falling. Every day was like falling, dark and fast whilst the air was pushed out of his lungs. Breathing, every breath was like running a marathon, unwilling to stop but harsh and agonising until the very end. Living, this life wasn't worth living when he was nothing but an empty shell.

The Gyrocarpus has a purpose as it is lifted in the wind and propelled, as it spins it gains momentum, faster and faster, it's fighting towards that goal in life, to begin new life, to start over with the wind under its wings. If that wind dies down, it is nothing. It's empty and useless, when it has no purpose an object is detested, it's lost-just another bit of garbage that litters the floor, waiting patiently to decompose.

That's what it felt like now; Harry was just waiting out the days-existing but not living- slowly decaying as life went on.

_The walls are closing in, so tight I'm blind. _

Everywhere he goes, all he sees is the dead, those who surrendered their lives and he wishes bitterly that he was one of them. Life should have been better not worse. Key words: Should have been.

There was new hope, the beginning of a new era. Hogwarts had been rebuilt, those who missed out on their NEWTs, back to retake the year as 8th years. His friends were happy, still mourning their dead but resolved to carry on with smiles on their faces-but each smile of his was forced. Each laugh sounding bitter to himself, the twinkle never quite reaching his eyes.

They call him a hero, but what hero lets so so many of his loved ones die?

We would have all died without you they say, yet the shadows of ghosts never seem to leave their eyes.

They thank him for all his hardships, for all his sacrifices, yet all of them are weighed down themselves, their shoulders drooping from their troubles.

What kind of hero lives when others have died?

What kind of hero lives past his purpose in life?

What kind of hero was he?

The answer was simple; he lived not for himself but for the sake of others, moved not on his own but by the will of others, thought for himself but did not question the thoughts of others. He was but a pawn, trapped in the grips of war, ensnared by men, no better than those on the other side when it came to keeping secrets and telling lies, who was used because he acted and trusted without a second thought.

Day after day, as the weeks went by, the years flew past and he had lost count of the amount of times he had been told the 'truth' but been force fed deceit. The amount of times the stories that had been told, the explanations that had been shown, the duties he had been given turned out to be omitted versions of the twisted mess of life Fate actually had in store for him. And he had believed it all, trusted every deception, made it into his entire life so that when the curtain had finally fallen, his world had been left broken.

_I strayed too far into heaven and lost my way back out_

"Wait till I've gone to swallow that Potter." It had been whispered, right beside his ear as he stood in the bathroom with the vial in his hand. A clear liquid, no smell, no taste but had an odd sheen to it unlike water-he would've claimed it was for medicinal purposes but the blond had always shown his worth in potions, Harry wouldn't put it past the other to know exactly what he had.

"Piss off then, there are other bathrooms in this school. I'm sure even you can find one." he wished heartily that his voice could be laced with malice as it had been once before.

"Miss the Dark Lord so much eh Potter? That you're attempting to top yourself off now? Or are you just craving the attention?" Malfoy sneered, pushing past him to get to one of the sinks. He pulled open the top three buttons of his oxford, pulling it to the side to inspect a large bruise that decorated his shoulder.

"It's medicine for indigestion Malfoy, I doubt the world wants to know about my stomach problems." Green eyes traced the curve of the shoulder, eying the purplish brown that stained the otherwise blemish-less almost translucent skin.

"I recognise the Draught of Living Death when I see it. I'm not an idiot." Malfoy winced before prodding his wand, the skin healing almost instantly.

"Of course you would, I hesitate to wonder exactly how many throats you've shoved this down." Wands were whipped out as the other spun on his heel, facing him, grey meeting green.

Harry's heart hammered in his chest, his wand vibrating in his hand as he trained it on the other's chest. Fear gripping him at how_** normal **_the action felt to him, how much he had _**missed**_ it.

He briefly wondered if the Sectumsempra curse had scarred that skin, if every time Draco looked at that scar he hated Harry as much as the brunette hated himself when he remembered that incident.

Their breaths mingled together as they stood close, unable to tear their eyes away from each other. The hatred shining in the other's eyes was exhilarating, he had caused it. He had caused such a deep look of loathing to etch itself into someones face instead of the idolising expression he generally received. Someone still thought of him as human, saw through his hero facade. The realisation was enough to make him lower his wand, a true smile form on his lips.

"Alright. Alright." He said grinning, pulling the cork off the vial.

"Don't you dare drink it Potter. Don't you dare."

"Or what Malfoy?" He asked, tilting it dangerously towards his lips. He laughed at the last second, swerving past Malfoy with his murderous glare. Still laughing he poured the contents down the sink.

"Shame that is, cost me a small fortune to get it." He sighed, pocketing the empty bottle.

"And the maker didn't ask why the Boy Who Lived wanted such a thing? Or did you tell him you were using it on Death Eaters?" He should have been offended or just ignored it as he had been ignoring everyone lately but he laughed instead, clutching at the sink for support-it felt so damn good, so damn good to let it out.

"Anonymous. No one cares who the hidden person is as long as a large amount of money is exchanged." He explained. "I thought it would be easy, like drinking water but in the end I just couldn't do it. I had just stuck the stopper back on when you entered, I guess I'll have to find an easier method." He smirked, saluted the other-completely missing the gobsmacked expression on Malfoy's face.

_I've still got blood on my hands, no matter how hard I scrub it won't wipe off_

"Are you okay Harry?" Pretense, like she cared for him anymore.

No one did, it seemed like the very thing they had fought for: love, that love had died away with all the people they had lost. Parvati and Lavender no longer spoke-the latter haunted by the love of raw meat she had gained created a rift between herself and her friend, hating their differences. Seamus and Dean were subdued, their laughter no longer contaminating everyone infecting them all with the need to be cheerful. Hermione and Ron, despite admitting their feelings found it almost impossible to stray back on to that topic.

Even though the hall was still alive with laughter and joy, the atmosphere free along with all its inhabitants, it was also coiled tightly with the sufferings of the elder ones...the ones who had seen the destruction and pain.

"Fine Hermione." He looked up when she had turned back to her dinner, his eyes once again searching out Malfoy. The blond had changed, not just physically but personality wise as well. With the fine flaxen hair that had been cropped at the back so that only the fringe fell forward to hide his grey eyes and the silver ring that gripped one pale eyebrow and the multiple piercings that lined his left ear and the small stud hidden underneath his full bottom lip came the quietness. An eerie silence he carried with him everywhere, wide eyes he kept down cast and nimble hands he kept fisted.

It seemed like the person he had argued with had just been a figment of his imagination.

The blond glanced up, eyes meeting Harry's but no recognition seemed to emit. No sign of that hatred from before, no sign of the disgust or shock-just wide wide unseeing eyes. His fork clattered to his plate, drawing in glances from all around-none that stayed too long-the Boy Who Lived had been acting strange for months now. Bile rose in his throat as he looked deep into the grey eyes that held his, those blank blank eyes so big they seemed to take in everything yet nothing at all.

He had created that monster, that unfeeling cold monster. His actions, his very existence had caused the war, caused such changes in someone who had always been so constant to his life. Why it mattered, why it mattered that Draco Malfoy had finally become just a face, just another face in the endless sea of faces he had no idea-all he knew was that it sickened him. It filled his mouth with acid as he realised exactly what he had caused.

Pushing himself up to standing position he ignored the questioning looks, the worried calls of 'Harry what's wrong?' He couldn't

stand it, couldn't take the vacant expressions his friends tried to hide behind their faux smiles, couldn't take the silence from those who spent most of their lives making his life hell. He just could not take it.

_My souls screaming, clawing out of my chest_

He pulled out the remaining shard of the mirror. Another gift from a loved one, another memento of a passed one...another dead one. He loathed the sight of it and loathed himself even more-if he had remembered then one other person could have been free, Sirius could have walked with his head held high and his face wide in a grin.

You could rip him in half, crucio every nerve in his body separately then set his limbs alight but the the pain would not amount to the agony he was feeling.

Such a wide gap had been left, something that couldn't be healed by mere time alone or tender touches by someone who thought of him as a saint. He was being selfish, opting to take the easier way out and this time he wouldn't return. He was adamant this time though not to back out. The shard was smooth as it caught the soft moonlight. His fingers worshipped the ragged edge, it's teeth aching to tear into his skin, taste the copper of his blood and end the worthless life he now lived.

The sting of his light press had him hesitating, once twice...three times. He was taking the cowardly way out, he was selfishly taking away his life when so many still struggled through life. He was opting to take the easy way to death, when so many had died honourably, he couldn't help the bitter thoughts of '_**That should have been me.' **_

In the end the shard dropped, becoming nothing but glittering sand lost in the stones as he sunk to the bottom of the wall, the tears still blocked-no matter how much his soul cried.

"It's not as easy as it seems is it?" He glared at the smirking figure at the tower's door.

"Shove off Malfoy. I'm not in the mood." Malfoy's smile turned into a quick head shake, his mouth opening and closing yet no words seemed to come out. Only then did Harry realise the smile had been as small and sad as the one it was directed to. Malfoy edged closer, waiting hesitantly beside the other, silently waiting for permission.

"You can sit, I can't be asked to argue." He waved a hand, patting the ground beside him before sighing and going back to his self pity.

"You can't be bothered to do much anymore can you?" Malfoy asked with no spite in his voice. Minutes of silence passed until Harry could take it no more.

"What exactly do you want?"

"You ran out." he said simply.

"You expect me to believe you were worried about me?" He spat.

"Hell no. Just wanted to make sure you weren't going to top yourself off." He shrugged at the look Harry gave him. "I'd have been blamed for it. I'm the only...the only one remaining." The word Death Eater hung in the air, not uttered but its presence clear.

"You wouldn't have been blamed for it. You've changed." Harry said finally.

"Maybe. Glad I got here in time though. Just imagine, dead hero, ex death eater...in an ex crime scene. What a story that would have been." Malfoy glanced sideways at him, his mouth quirked slightly, a hand running through his short hair.

Harry laughed the sound awkward even to himself.

"I had just given up trying when you walked in. Couldn't do it." He admitted slightly ashamed.

"Why try do it at all? What could be wrong with your life? Don't take this the wrong way but you should be hitting it off right now. Money, fame, the girls are cuing up for you-throwing themselves at you." Towards the end his voice began to die out, the uncertainty coming through. He didn't know if he wanted to know, why he wanted to know or even what he'd do with the information.

Harry sighed, letting his head rest on the wall with his eyes closed. No one had asked him that, no one had asked why he had receded to his current state, not once in the months that had followed the war.

"I lost everything. Everyone. I could have stopped it and I didn't. They died and I'm still here. I'm still considered the hero even though I did nothing."

Draco stared at him with wide eyes. Everyone thought of him as a freak-even Malfoy. The blond snorted, shaking his head viciously, the silver on his face glinting in the moonlight.

"If I thought you were thick before Potter, then it doesn't compare to what I think of you now." He moved around so he was facing him straight on. " Dear Lord, I never thought the day would come where I'd have to put wise words into your head. That was always Granger's job."

Harry chuckled lightly.

The other turned deadly serious, his eyes ablaze with some deep emotion.

"People died but what war doesn't have its martyrs? There are still people hurting-still trying to get over their loss but that has nothing to do with you, it's only been months since the war ended, it's going to take time for things to heal...No listen, listen to me! You can't complain about not being able to save everyone because there wouldn't even be a world without you."

"Stop." He clutched his ears, not wanting to hear the rest. Malfoy moved closer, pulling his hands away.

"Listen to me clearly. Half of us wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. You didn't just save thousands of the Light and muggles alike but you saved us criminals as well. You gave us another chance, you saw us all as humans and you did give your life, you gave your everything to make sure that there was only goodness in the world, just shut up and listen! Thanks to you we're all free and if that doesn't make you a hero, if your constant struggle, year after year against the Dark Lord doesn't make you a hero in your eyes you are the biggest idiot ever." The triumphant look in his eyes died with Harry's next words.

"If we're free now, if we're better off then why have you changed? Why did you...your wrist?" Of course he had noticed them, the thin puckered lines, pink and some slightly wrinkled that covered the entire expanse of the left forearm...the home of the dark mark he realised suddenly. He had seen it when Malfoy had ran his hand through his hair, only several minutes before. They were jagged, raw-some more recent than the rest, each one starting off shallow and then getting deeper and shallow again-self imposed, where he had dug it in himself with something sharp.

He caught the marred wrist between both his hands, turning it this way and that. A soft gasp emitted from the other.

"Only the dark mark, you've only messed up the dark mark...why?" He said absently. He was enjoying this, focusing on one thing-there wasn't enough of his mind left to wonder about anything...he didn't have time to be guilty about anything...including how wrong this very moment was. Malfoy was shaking in his hands ever so slightly. Trust this to be a moment of civility now that they were both fucked over royally, now that neither had anyone left they were finally able to have a decent conversation without trying to rip each others balls off.

"Aww Potty I didn't know you cared!" He smiled whilst pulling his arm away yet not answering him properly. "Well it's been nice talking to you Potter, we should be getting down...it's getting late." He stood up, hesitating for a bit before reaching down to help Harry up. "Off to bed we go."

Harry snorted at how wrong the statement sounded, something in Malfoy's expression changed.

"Don't look at me like that, you were the one that said it." Harry chided as Malfoy's face grew puzzled trying to figure out what Harry was on about, brows furrowing together before clearing again, a small chuckle escaping him.

"Didn't know you had such a dirty mind Potter...anyway that wasn't it."

"No?"

"No." If truth be told, it was how much of a difference there was to his face when Potter smiled or laughed. No wonder people hung off him, respected him, followed him, worshipped him. When he smiled his face lit up, when he laughed he seemed so carefree, so strong and powerful. Not that he was going to admit that to him any time soon.

_They're watching me, silently, from the shadows. _

His third attempt was discovered by his horrified dorm mates. He had gone up to meet Professor Trelawney, a quick visit. After the war he had barely seen her, choosing not to go wandering around the castle much in order to avoid seeing the damage. Parvati had come down after one of her regular meetings, choosing him to spout off her new knowledge when it had hit him. He was being an insufferable git by hiding. People wouldn't leave him alone, wouldn't stop asking him what was wrong or watching him for negative signs when they thought he wasn't looking because he rarely tried to act like he was okay anymore. They were the ones trying to tie up all the loose ends, making sure everyone, including him, was alright whilst he sat and wallowed in self pity. He was disgusting. So he had set off, deciding on giving a quick visit. Worse mistake of his sorry life.

She had cried when he had entered, thanking him for everything, especially for taking the time out to see her. She had 'seen' in her ball that he had been very busy and was grateful that he had still made the journey. How did she show her gratification? Whilst sobbing, blowing her nose on the red shawl around her she insisted on reading his palm. She foretold him a happy life with a red haired woman and three kids.

A slap in the face. Everything had changed. Everyone had changed. Someone who had always foretold his death, telling him of his secure future, the most unrealistic future-just because he had saved the world. Of course he had changed in everyone's eyes just because he had fulfilled that bloody prophecy. He was no longer just Harry anymore. Now he was and always would be to everyone the Boy Who Bloody Refused to Snuff it.

The smiles, the calls of 'Hey Harry!' and 'Alright Harry?' seemed like punches in the gut-knowing that none of them said it because they genuinely liked him but because they felt indebted to him. They didn't care about him, Harry, they cared about their damn hero.

He had a theory. The cushioning charm condensed the air in a contained area making it light and fluffy but also dense...it'd feel like nothing-like falling asleep with the duvet over your face. The dead ones would be disappointed in the way he had left the world but like Dumbledore had said...it was his choice whether to move on or not right?

That's how Neville had found him, unconscious from the lack of oxygen-lost in limbo between this world and the Otherworld. He had muttered finite whilst Ron had covered him with the invisibility cloak, not wanting to cause a disturbance down at the common room. He, Ron, Dean and Seamus had strode out of the Common room, an invisible Harry floating unaware above them.

"What happened to him?" Madam Pomfrey asked, moving away from Malfoy who had a cut lip and slight bruise under his eye. She hurried over, waving her wand over the prone body that hung limp over Neville's arms.

Neville settled Harry onto the bed, cloak hidden deep in his pocket as Ron explained. When they noticed the Slytherin they attempted to shuffle around, hide the body from his view but he had already seen it.

"He had come back from a walk like fifteen minutes ago, said something about having a headache and going to bed. Heard a loud thump around five minutes ago. When we ran into the room he was unconscious on the floor. Brought him here straight away."

Madam Pomfrey tsked, muttering spells under her breath.

"It's a good thing you managed to get air back into his lungs. What happened?"

"He had a cushioning charm over his face..." Ron mumbled eyeing Malfoy warily. The matron sighed, shaking her head.

"I don't know what's going through his head. You lot did the right thing, I'll keep him here over night." She clucked her tongue, bustling them out of the room after assuring them he'd be okay.

"In to your pyjamas Mr. Malfoy-I don't want you wandering around at night." She handed him the flannel trousers, pulling the curtains around his bed. "Come now, under the covers." She said when he had changed.

Sinking, he was sinking. Trapped in the darkness, it seemed to be solidifying in front of his nose, in front of his mouth, no air passing through. He was blind, immobile, paralysed in the dark. He couldn't scream couldn't cry out, his lungs aching from the lack of oxygen. This wasn't what it was meant to be like, the darkness wasn't meant to fill up and block every pore, every nostril and his mouth...stuffing his ears until he was rendered dead yet living-this wasn't passing over this was torture. Then the air was released from his lungs.

"You awake yet?" The voice came from somewhere on his right, his eyes fluttered open to a world that shifted and spun. A soft creak came from the right, followed by a fumble and then something cold and metallic was being pushed onto the bridge of his nose. The Hospital Wing came into view as well as a slender flaxen haired boy bare chested and worrying his bottom lip.

"What the fuck am I doing here?" Harry spat, searching the bedside table for his wand, feet already out of bed, the world still spinning. Malfoy scowled.

"You can tell me that." His scowl became a glare. "Get the fuck back into bed Potter."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"No I can't but I'd rather not have your bloody dorm mates have to carry you back in here unconscious-you've worried them enough for one night." The stare he got was venomous, it had been a low blow with the guilt.

"People like you make me glad I never had a mother." He said, pulling himself back into bed, not meaning a single word of it.

"You don't mean that." Malfoy replied, getting back into a comfortable position in his own bed. Harry snorted.

"No I don't." Silence. "We both know what I'm doing here but what are you doing here?" Malfoy laughed a short laugh, sounding forced even to himself. Harry's gaze shifted to the window, not sure if he wanted the answer or not. He knew, everyone knew, of the Slytherin baiting, Malfoy got the worst of it. Harry had spent many breakfasts watching Malfoy stand up, spell away the oatmeal and kippers that had been flicked at him or lift himself off the floor after someone had 'accidentally' pushed him over. He had seen the bruise that first time, the cuts that had appeared over time and the ones that littered his face now partially hidden by a thick yellow paste.

"The Headmistress wanted me to look out for you Scarhead, her wishes my command and all that." Once again his answer had been avoided.

Another question hung between them, getting heavier and heavier until Draco could not hold it in anymore.

"Why'd you do it this time?" Harry glanced up from the window back to his companion, he chuckled inwardly, this had to be the weirdest night he had ever had.

"Hmmm? Oh right." He said finally clocking on.

"Yeah Oh right. Gonna answer?" Malfoy rolled his eyes, chucking a pillow at the other which Harry caught deftly with one hand, shoving it behind his head.

"Don't see why I should but as you asked ever so nicely...Trelawny told me I was going to live a long happy life, with a ginger woman and three children." He said simply.

Malfoy laughed, full out. He laughed so hard he ended up having to hold his sides, his ribs visibly expanding and retracting as his lungs worked. He laughed so hard he was wiping his eyes. He laughed so hard Harry laughed with him-laughed just as hard, his jaw aching at the sheer stupidity of it.

"I sound like a nutter right?" He said, wiping the side of his mouth when the laughter had subsided.

"You think? Dear Lord, Potty! That's a new one." Harry smiled softly his gaze shifting back to the window, of course he wouldn't understand.

"Explain it to me then." Malfoy said slowly, Harry jumped, unaware he had spoken out loud. He battled within himself, wondering if he should spill or not. "Come on, we've come this far Potty." Malfoy encouraged with a soft smile.

On one hand he could tell Malfoy to fuck off, find someone else to show pity to, someone else to show his new reformed self to or he could just spill. His eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Why the fuck are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" Malfoy asked, suddenly more alert, the atmosphere automatically changing drastically.

"Listening to my woes, offering me advice and saving me from-you know what I mean!" he snapped, he should have seen it, another ruse just to get close to him, probably a way of gaining favor with the other Slytherins by telling them how hard he had fallen.

"I'm not listening to you out of pity or to backstab you later or even because I care about you. I'm not listening to you because I owe you my life or because you're the hero of the Wizarding World but because no one else knows what's going on in that thick skull of yours and it looks like you're gonna burst soon unless you let it all out." Harry frowned, flipping him the bird to which Malfoy only grinned.

"Gee thanks, nice to know." He didn't know what to think, Malfoy had mentioned everything he had been worried about and discharged those thoughts, assuring him that those weren't his intentions but Malfoy had also been a royal pain in the arse for as long as he'd known him, a prick and a twat who went to great lengths to make his life miserable. Was it really worth believing anything that was coming out of his stupid mouth?

"I cut because sometimes it gets too much. Even looking at it disgusts me, I didn't want it you know." Harry sat stock still, remembering his question on the astronomy tower, the first one that had been avoided. "I don't mean that as an excuse but I had to for my mother's sake. Father had already shamed us all by failing in his mission and it was the Dark Lord's way of punishing us all. It's not that I do it because I think I can get rid of it or start over because that's not possible. Once a Death Eater always a fucking Death Eater-doesn't matter what the situation was like for us, as far as everyone's concerned, we're all the scum of society-which we are and that's why I guess I never did it as a way for starting over because there is no redemption for the likes of us.

"We made the wrong choice, we deserve to be punished for our sins. It's the memories and feelings that come with it that I want to hack off along with the mark. Everytime I look at it I remember the stupid choices my Father made, how I had next to no choices in life-and the ones I did I screwed up so bad. When I see it I remember him in our house, Nagini chewing on a dead carcass in the corner and the terrified look everyone in the room seemed to have. Our house had never been very silent, we had always had parties, tea dates or business meetings-it was quiet with him in the house the only sound you ever heard was my psycho aunt's crazy laughter or screaming as he tortured people.

"I tried so hard to do what was right, when no one was watching I'd take the prisoners extra food or the pain relieving potions Sev had made for me, when I refused to identify you-that was me trying to show my remorse...trying...that's what sickens me. I started off on the wrong side, I worked for the wrong side and I was shit at it, I was a fricking coward who couldn't muster up enough courage to lift his wand and hurt somebody and then when I finally realised what a big mistake everything I had ever been taught to believe was I was still a bloody coward who couldn't help you guys at all. I was so helpless, so weak and stupid, always relying on others to get me out of my mess-Crabbe and Goyle, Blaise and Pansy, Sev and even you. I can't do anything and every time I look at that mark I'm reminded that I can't do anything. I itch to pull it off, tear off my skin or saw it off because knowing you're a coward and admitting it are two completely different things." He took a deep breath, discreetly wiping the side of his eyes. Harry sat dumbstruck, his eyes focused on the stud below Malfoy's lip instead of his eyes, he'd avoid those pools of mercury because if he did he'd probably end up falling for Malfoy's tricks, Malfoy's lies.

"This is stupid, so stupid." He huffed finally averting his eyes when the others lips began chewing themselves under the scrutiny of his glare. Malfoy raised a pale eyebrow.

"What is?"

"This. Everything. Last year I was fighting a war and now I'm sitting here having a conversation with my arch nemesis whilst my best mates can't even say three bloody words to each other, the entire elder generation living at the moment is mourning their dead, probably resenting me whilst the other half are busy worshipping the ground I bloody walk on." He spat, he had nothing-absolutely nothing to hold on to, nothing made sense anymore.

"You know what your fucking problem is Potter?" at the glare he continued. "You expected too much, you thought that after the war everything would be fine and dandy and everyone will live happily ever after and you'll live a normal life-well that went down the drain and now you're moping."

"Is that too much to ask for?" Harry asked, he turned his face so that those famous eyes of his were visible despite the glint of the moon that refracted through the window and hit his glasses-they were dull, lifeless...the colour was bright yes but they had lost all vibrancy, lost all energy and had resigned to looking bleak and dead. Through every fight and argument they'd ever had, every task Harry had faced in the fourth year and even when he had sat glaring at Draco's face waiting to be identified those eyes had burned, burned with the will and strength of a hardened man and now they had given up. Draco hated that the Saviour of the World had resigned to this and he hated the fact that no one made any attempt to do anything about it. Well there was only one way he could get the Speckled Git to listen to him and he'd resort to it. He sprang to his feet, pulling the other by his lapel.

"Of course it's too much to ask! You're not some God Potter, high above on your pedestal where none of can reach you and none of us can feel even an inch of the emotions you feel! You're still mourning the dead so why can't WE? You resent being alive when others have died so why can't WE? You're hurting right now so why the bloody hell can't WE?" Harry was visibly shaking now, every limb shivering like a leaf in a storm. Draco had expected him to lash out, had expected him to attack with arms or hexes or even words-he didn't anticipate Harry turning around and screaming into his pillow, beating the mattress vigorously whilst sobbing uncontrollably. His mother had been like this just after his father had committed suicide, that didn't mean he wanted to be in this situation again rubbing Potter's back whilst telling him 'it's all right, we're all going to be alright'

He _should_ have comforted him, _should_ have whispered those absolutely useless words but they're were pathetic and lies and he knew they wouldn't be appreciated. So he did the only thing he could think of;

"Get over yourself Potter and try to do what the rest of us are trying to do-move the fuck on."

_Lie to me, tell me that we'll be okay. _

He shuffled around for awhile, not daring to enter then cursed himself for being a coward and strode purposefully into the common room, his eyes on his two best friends bickering on the seats beside the fire. He stopped a short distance away from them, his eyes downcast as he waited for them to notice him. Only when the voices stopped did he dare to look up, his eyes trained on the fireplace.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Harry asked quietly, forcing the words out the tiny gap his mouth had opened. He waited for what seemed like an age until he suddenly found himself with an arm full of a sobbing Hermione. Harry patted her back awkwardly, Ron giving him a just-go-with-it look from behind as she cried 'Oh Harry, Oh Harry'. After the tears had stopped and everyone else had gone back to doing whatever they had been doing with tiny smiles on their faces and turned away Harry allowed himself a small smile.

"It's good to have you back with us Harry." Hermione breathed, wiping the salty tracks from her cheeks. " We've been so worried about you." His lips tightened, the hand on the armrest tightening. It's one thing to be a disappointment and a complete other to be told. "You just haven't been yourself lately and we didn't know what to do, you've been so quiet and God we've been so worried." For you to do them wrong, make them worry and then have them shove your mistakes into your face, forcing you to open your eyes and know that you didn't try hard enough, that even though you thought your mask was high in place, it had cracks that were adding to their already piled problems.

"Want to play a game of chess Harry?" Ron asked, cutting Hermione off suddenly. He brought the set out of his bag. "I've got your set as well, you left it here last time remember?" Harry nodded, glad to have something else to fix his attention on, chess he could do. Chess he could do with no problems at all.

...

_**Need help with the Potions homework?**_

_**-DM**_

Harry glanced up, tracing the source of the note to the boy who was sitting, furiously scribbling on to his parchment. Aforementioned boy glanced up, green eyes meeting grey and both lifted the corners of their lips slightly in acknowledgement.

_**What makes you think I need help?**_

_**Especially from you when I have Hermione. Vain much?**_

He grinned to himself, folding the piece of parchment up before sending it scuttling across the floor, lest it be seen, until it knocked on Malfoy's ankle.

_**The fact that you've been staring at the words for the last half hour. **_

_**Seriously, goldfish have more comprehension skills then you.**_

_**-DM **_

Harry suppressed a snort at the words, cautiously he eyed Hermione and Ron. Hermione sat in the middle, Ron on the other side as he downright refused to sit on the 'Slytherin side of the room'. They had had a hushed argument over who would sit there until Harry made a show of shutting the two up by plopping himself down into the seat. Hermione was busy scribbling down notes, Ron doodling absently-he was safe.

_**Being bored enough to stare at one thing doesn't mean I'm stupid. **_

_**Don't goldfish have a 3 second memory thing? **_

_**Memory lapse every 30 seconds idiot.**_

_**-DM **_(Which he sent with a crudely drawn goldfish with glasses and a scar)

Harry had to stifle his laughter by pretending to cough, awkwardly blushing when Hermione paused in her note taking to glance sideways at him. He shoved the paper under his text book, coughing a bit more for pretenses sake before looking intently at the book in front of him. She sighed quietly before going back to her own work and he released a sigh of breath he didn't know he had been holding.

When it came to the practical work in the second half of their two period lesson he was completely lost. He had no idea how to brew the Acne healing salve, it was meant to be turning a light beige colour but his was yellow and giving off the faint smell of something dying. He looked around wildly, suddenly envious of Ron as Hermione tutted, taking his Valerian roots and chopping them for him. The paper swan that landed on his desk was a relieving sight.

_**Sure you don't want my help? **_

_**-DM**_

...

_Shove your lies down my throat and blindfold me in your deceit_

"So the reason I have to stir anti-clockwise is not because it says so in the book but because Augurey feathers need to be stirred that way to maximise the potential of full reactivity as the top part of the feathers have a sealant kind of lining?" To the curt nod he sighed. "I kinda get it now...it's a bit like science and the collision theory."

"The what?" Malfoy asked, glancing up from the textbook they had both been bent over for the last hour in a secluded classroom on the fourth floor.

"Muggle thing, it was like when you wanted to maximise the reactivity to either get a higher yield or just increase the rate of reaction you had to...err...rise in temperature, increase the surface area or..."

"Add a catalyst."

"Yeah! Wait...how'd you know?" Harry asked frowning. Malfoy laughed, shaking his head.

"Seriously Potter, eighteen years old and you still don't know why we powder things like newt eyes, increase the flame beneath the cauldron or add hair, claws or horns into our potions."

"Oh."

"Yeah oh."

They worked together for the entire day, skipping dinner as they not only worked through potions but charms and transfiguration as well. Food and snacks were brought up to them regularly, the elves bowing to Harry, throwing frightful glances towards Draco, wish he graciously ignored. Dusk found them lying on the cold floor, thighs and chests touching as they lay side by side, both resting on their arms under their heads and looking up at the stone ceiling.

"Have you ever felt trapped in your own mind?" Harry asked suddenly, a lump growing in his throat. Even if the day had been relaxing, uplifting-he was still caged. The bars were all the deaths he had witnessed, the loved ones his very life had been the death of, the apologies he had never uttered, the key hid somewhere deep within himself where he himself had chucked it. He didn't deserve to be free.

"No. Yes." Came the muffled reply.

"What one is it?" he insisted, not wanting the answer but craving it anyway.

"I don't know."

...

He panted, stretched out languidly on the bed, his back arching as fair hands traced over his skin. He was burning, every nerve ending was alight, he was in so much pain; such painful pleasure that the lines of right and wrong, good and bad had blurred, leaving everything in a hazy shade of grey. This was heaven; the slick stretch of skin gliding against him, the long hard length of the others cock as it brushed his-causing them both to groan in pleasure. It was also hell; the hands that ran along his naked sides, never pausing long enough for him to feel, the soft wet traces of a tongue that only lingered, did not mark or claim. He wanted it all, wanted the blonde to take him completely in every way. Wanted to be completely filled and stretched, overwhelmed and over filled until he felt full, wanted...needed.

"What do you want Harry?" Flaxen hair brushed against his nipple, a moan tore itself from his mouth. "Hmmm?"

"Want you to fuck me so hard." his body screamed for release, knowing that when he came he'd cum so hard, his release would be ripped from him in an explosion of pleasure and agony. Steel grey eyes glanced up, mirth dancing in them.

"What?"

"Please."

"I don't understand Harry, what do you want me to do?"

"You know-you know!" He yelled.

The blond smirked; "Tell me Harry, tell me _exactly_ what you want."

"Want you to pound into me. Please. Make me forget everything-my own name." his body was coiled tight, anticipating.

"As you wish." Draco Malfoy glanced up, a smirk on his excited face.

His eyes opened of their own accord, silently shrieking at the light that seemed to penetrate his retina and pound on his skull. The dull throb of his member went ignored as he shuffled out of bed, rearranged the covers and slipped into the shower. Only when he was in the safety of the shower did he allow himself to rest against the cool tiles, the ache that had bloomed just behind his eyes somewhat suppressed at the cold touch. He sighed before standing up, turning the nozzle to freezing in order to numb both his body and mind.

He couldn't look the blond in the eyes as he sat down, at the far end of the Gryffindor table, far from anyone else. The food on this end was untouched and cold. Not that he cared. The insistent feeling that someone was glaring at him probed the back of his head until he gave into temptation and glanced behind him. Dove eyes looked wounded.

_**Ignore it Harry. Ignore it.**_

He chanted to himself in his head. His eyes unwavered though, seemed to be glued to Malfoy's. He wanted to laugh as the other held his gaze. All this time people thought Malfoy was the disgusting one, the scum, the dirt but here he was, Harry Potter-the epitome of all things pure and good-here he was having dirty thoughts about another boy just because had been shown a bit of kindness. How vile was he?

Chatter rose around as people began to notice them staring. The noise buzzed, it hummed, it teased and taunted-they were once again talking about him. Without a backwards glance he strode out the room, something in his head once again resuming to hammer on his skull, he was positive the blond would not follow.

_We're freaks of nature you and I_

"Why not stop it?" he asked slowly as the other lay on the hospital wing bed. "You could you know, just stop it."

The head shook, a no then.

"I don't get why you're putting yourself through this. What have you got to prove?!" he snapped finally, plopping himself down on the chair beside the bed as he gripped thin shoulders. "Malfoy, answer me!"

"I don't see what it has to do with you." Pale skin twisted away from him, in the soft amber glow of the candlelight Harry could almost kid himself that the dark purple, the blue and yellow, the red and the small tinge of green don't exist. In the soft amber glow Harry could kid himself into believing that he doesn't care.

"Maybe 'cos no one knows what's going on inside that thick skull of yours and it seems like you're going to explode?" He offered weakly, his smile refusing to meet his eyes.

"Don't use my words against me." Malfoy spat, blood tainting his cheeks-whether out of anger, frustration or embarrassment Harry did not know.

He pretends that climbing into bed beside him is natural. He pretends that he can't feel the thump thump thumping of his heart as skin whispers over his. Silence stretches over, its edges taut with discomfort but it's silence all the same and they revel in it. Harry pretends not to feel the wetness against his neck as silver strands of hair tickle his collar.

"I want my future even if it means getting hurt first." And then silence again, this time more comfortable now that a burden had been lifted. Harry pretends he doesn't feel alive.

In the morning he knows he'll be found in the same bed as the other boy, he also knows that even though Madam Pomfrey won't tell a soul his dorm mates will most likely come hunting for him like the valiant and loyal friends they are but he also knows that he definitely does not care-especially when silent breaths tickle the base of his neck caressing his skin like the touch of a lover.

"Malfoy, Harry?" Hermione asks him, the expression on her face tells him she's scandalised, if not a bit grossed out.

"I went to visit him...fell asleep accidentally." Her look tells him that she doesn't believe his excuse, that it doesn't add up and makes no sense but she doesn't call him on it, for which he is grateful. Ron however looks genuinely curious.

"So...you two like friends now or something?" he asked hesitantly, as if Harry was thin ice which would crack with one misplaced step.

"We're." but his mind kept drawing out blanks, what he and Malfoy were eluded him. They could not be called acquaintances after seven years, neither could they be called friends. If they weren't friends they definitely weren't lovers either, yet it could not be called animosity anymore. "Just...getting along I suppose." He said quietly, because it's the only thing that was not a lie.

"He hasn't got any shady reasons do you think? For being civil to you?" Ron laughs as if it's funny to accuse someone with no basis of evidence at all.

"No," Harry grits out through his teeth, hating how people always jump to assumptions. "He's not like that."

"Bloody hell. Chill mate. I was trying to lighten the mood-you used to jump at the chance of blaming him for things before." He drew in a tired breath, not able to be angry at his redheaded friend for too long.

"Yeah-that was before I knew him."

...

The small tavern was eerily quiet, nearly all eyes were watching them with interest-some had the tact to flicker back and forth. Despite the sunlight that streamed through the windows, casting long shadows across the floorboards it was dark and dingy, the very air that they breathed thick with the aura of unwant that was left hanging in the air.

He fidgeted under the scrutiny yet he had too much pride to walk out; instead he ploughed through his drinks, downing one after the other-pureblood training could not train you for everything, he silently mused. Draco ignored the burn, the taste of bile as it rose up against his throat. There was no control in this, only chaos as the outside world got a glimpse into his private life. He didn't even want to think about the articles that'd be published, the lies that'd be spun just because he'd said yes to a drink out. Potter looked calm and collected, only the white skin that stretched over painfully clenched knuckled gave away his discomfort, Draco wished he knew what they were trying to prove here.

"I think that's enough." Four words, that's all that was uttered before a handful of coins were tossed on top of the table, the boy beside him stood, blocking him from sight, shielding him from the world as he watched the gold coins roll away, spin fast before they came to an abrupt stop and lay on their sides. "Ready to go?" To which he just nodded.

It didn't feel odd to walk close together, for their hands to brush or for the warmth that radiated from the other to give him an odd sense of contentment. Outside on the street the passersby seemed divided. Half wanted to give their hero some privacy, let him live his life even if it meant he was spending it with filth. The other half opted to gawp, their mouths hung wide open as they stared shamelessly in disgust. No it didn't feel odd to him at all when Harry reached over and gave his hand a brief squeeze.

"So yeah, that's when I realised that it hadn't been my dad but me that cast the patronus and because I knew I could do it I was able to do it-if that makes sense. Then we took Buckbeak and flew up to the window Dumbledore had mentioned and busted him out. We had like two minutes for a goodbye and to get back down to the hospital wing." The way he said it was as if he hadn't saved multiple lives in one night. The way he said it was as if thirteen year old boys casted corporeal patronous' every other day, the way he said it was as if he didn't believe his actions had been amazing.

Draco looked over at the dilapidated house, watching as it seemed to crumble and age right in front of his eyes-who knew that the house itself was part of a legacy, played a key role in the lives of many?

"You speak of it as if it was nothing." He said coldly, wishing he was jealous. You'd have to be an idiot to envy a man of his misfortunes.

"Compared to everything else." He left the sentence unfinished, not that it needed finishing. Compared to every other trial he had faced in his life from the tender age of one because of one greedy man, that certain event was insignificant.

"My parents realized far too late that he was insane, even the fact that he had tried to kill an innocent child did not set warning bells off in their heads." he spat out.

"I think the fact that he was a half blood preaching pure blood bull shit was what should have set warning bells off." Harry muttered. Draco giggled quietly, stopping almost immediately. "Don't stop. You're even more beautiful when you laugh." So Draco laughed. He laughed at the joke, he laughed at the situation that had trapped them both and he laughed at all the years they had lost fighting when they could have been doing this. Somewhere, something in the back of his mind nagged him though, that if it hadn't been for that particular madman, the whole war-then maybe they wouldn't be here today as the people they are.

_Let's watch the world burn to the ground_

Winter came quickly, frost enveloped the world in its tight folds, it's icy tendrils spread over the castle's grounds and wrapped themselves around every inch of the floor, the walls and even the air. The snow fell and fell, softly at first then began coming down in large flurries as if the world was a huge snow globe, being shaken by some other being far greater than them. Every morning a large spade had been seen, pushing its way through the snow to make a clear pathway for students to leave until the falling shards of ice had become too much, even for the gamekeeper, to brave and all care of magical and herbology lessons had been changed to theory lessons that took place within the castle. Students walked around with warming charms cast on the air around them and each classroom had a small roaring fire that sat in the back, flickering and hissing as they worked in what seemed to be one of the coldest winters they had been faced with.

Harry warmed his hands by blowing on them, the cold biting on his bare flesh as he sat on one of the ledge of one of the parapets. His feet swung over the edge, the flesh numb from resting against the stone wall for so long. For the first time though he didn't have the sudden urge to throw himself off, he didn't feel the need to snuff out whatever was keeping him going-for once he was actually content.

He smiled at himself, remembering the day that had unfolded before him. He had woken up early, the sudden urge to take a jog had overwhelmed him. So at five in the morning he had gone out for a run around the courtyard, the cool air fresh as he exerted his energy. By six he was exhausted yet the castle did not stir so he crept back in, showered as quietly as he could before slipping downstairs to the kitchens. What he did not expect to find was Draco sleeping on one of the tables, a mug of coffee cold beside him and a thick textbook covered in runes under his head. Kreacher shuffled nervously when he noticed Harry watching.

"Kreacher is going to wake him Master Potter, Sir. Master Malfoy seems like he is needing rest." He said, placing a plate of toast, eggs, beans and bacon in front of him as he sat down beside the slumbering body.

"Do you still obey his orders Kreacher?" He asked curiously, stamping down on the urge to tuck away a strand of hair that had fallen loose from behind an ear.

"He is still from the Noble House of Black and Kreacher serves them all, unless Master commands me to stop." He wheezed out, adding in a small bow.

Harry shook his head, "No, no. I have no problem with it." He said with a smile. Maybe it was because he was focusing on the blond did he realise that the other had woken up beside him. He scooped up a forkful of beans and toast before he turned to face the now wide awake boy. A simple good morning was far too much to expect it seemed.

"Normal people aren't comfortable with others having command over their house elf." he said simply, reaching over and snagging a slice of bacon from his plate. Harry laughed, pulled out his wand and then cast a warming charm over Draco's coffee before replying.

"I'm not a normal person am I?" At this the other laughed and nodded.

"No you're definitely not." The rest of the morning passed with them chatting, eating and just laughing along before they realised that class had already started. They rushed out together, up many flights of stairs until they reached the charms room, both out of breath by the time they stumbled through the door together. Draco tensed straight away, standing up tall instead of catching his breath like Harry had stooped over to do. He held his head high, muttered an apology to Flitwick before striding into the middle of the room, his eyes searching for a place to sit.

Harry himself moved towards the row that the Gryffindors had occupied. Seamus and Dean didn't bat an eyelid, Parvati and Lavender were both engrossed in some sort of heated discussion and paid no mind, Hermione looked pained but Ron just rolled his eyes and then grinned-accepting.

Harry gestured for Draco to sit beside him, amidst a row full of his enemy house members, looking uncomfortable as hell. The oddest thing that happened though happened when the class had resumed and the practising part of the lesson took its toll. Ron's eyebrows had been furrowed in concentration as he jabbed his wand in the direction of the book he was trying to transfigure into a lizard. Draco had leaned over, whispered 'Tell him to flick his hand upwards quickly before jabbing.' but he must not have whispered quietly enough because Ron had turned, his eyes narrowed-Harry waited on baited breath for a blow up, even Hermione drew in a short one-before he held out his hand in front of Malfoy.

"You're not a bad guy Malfoy." he said, his hand still waiting though Harry could see the tips of his ears going slightly red as Draco simply stared at the hand.

"I'm sorry. For everything." Draco blurted out, taking the hand and giving it a slight shake. Ron nodded, the smile widened on his face, the entire class seemed to be frozen until Flitwick cried "Well done Miss. Granger!" even though his eyes and smile were directed towards the two boys. As Hermione's pidgeon let out a small squawk Harry exhaled a shaky breath.

"You're going to catch your death like this." The soft voice was not the one he wanted to hear but was welcomed nonetheless. Luna Lovegood plopped herself beside him on the wall, her mismatched shoes dangled. She passed him a multi-coloured scarf which she produced from some deep corner of her bag.

"Thanks Luna." She surveyed him, her radish earrings softly swaying in the wind.

"Have you read the latest addition of The Quibbler?" She asked, her hand already rummaging inside her luminous green bag. He shook his head as she began to draw out miscellaneous items, laying them out on the ledge. Out came the onion-like charms and the various bits of paper, out came the plastic knickknacks which seemed ordinary at first until they whistled and rolled at which Harry threw out a hasty hand to grab them before they toppled, and finally emerged a glossy albeit tattered copy of The Quibbler, a drawn three legged animal reared its ugly head on the cover.

"What's the issue on?" He asked taking the magazine when she handed it over. Green eyes scanned through the headings advertised on the front.

"The DribblingBibblebunger." She said simply, shrugging when he looked up. "I was hoping when schools over we can all go together to hunt for some..."

"We?" He asked quietly.

"Yes we. Ron, Hermione, Neville and you and I...oh and Draco if he wants to come!" She said happily, ticking the numbers off on her fingers. "They live in wet forest areas so I thought Scotland and they tend to stray near large groups that emit traces of magic...preferably those giving off good vibes." She explained.

"Draco and good vibes?" He snorted, feeling lighter already.

"He has the largest infestation of nargles which turns him very moody but yes, he's hearts in the right place." Which she ended with a childish tongue sticking out.

...

"Infested with nargles am I?" Draco smirked, dangling the gillyweed in front of him when they met in the secluded classroom at dusk. Harry lay on his stomach, book already opened on the chapter of human transfiguration. Draco sat opposite him, the slimy plant resting in his open palm.

"According to Luna-who is by the way, an expert on this, so I guess you are." He laughed at the blond's pout before sitting up, book falling closed.

"I'm not infested in any way." Draco said indignantly, the smile that crept onto his face betrayed his emotions.

"Nargles buzz around your ears compelling you to eavesdrop." Harry said solemnly narrowly avoiding the hand that came to swat him around the head.

"What's the gillyweed for?" he asked skeptically, the last time he had used the thing he had thought that he was going to lose Ron for ever.

"Well you see...now that Sev's no longer the potions master I have no qualms about sneaking into the private storage cupboard and stealing so I thought..." here he trailed off, looking uncertain and rubbing one hand through his cropped hair.

"Yes?" Harry asked poking him in the side-Draco was all skin and bones.

"I want to swim in the lake, as in actually swim in the lake...you've done it before and I want to experience it too." Harry snorted.

"Do you think I'm a bit weird that I want to do it in the middle of the night halfway through winter?"

"No, No." He took in several deep breaths to stop his laughter. "It's just, at the time I was more concentrating on saving Ron as I thought the mermaids were actually going to keep him then I was on looking around, I might not be the best tour guide if that's what you're looking for."

"Yes but you also happen to be the best at Defense Against Dark Arts, if I get attacked by gigantic man eating monsters then I need someone to get rid of it for me."

"I didn't know you were the damsel in distress sort of guy Draco." He laughed.

"I'm not, I just don't want to get my hands dirty, my nails cost a small fortune to get done you know." He smiled, waving the hand that wasn't holding the sticky plant in Harry's face.

"Oh I see. So I'm just being used now?" His frown didn't last for long, not when the other boy was pushing him over whilst laughing. Harry swears that the monster in his chest hasn't woken again.

_As you begin to slowly stitch my wounds_

Harry realises how stupid his action was far too late. The moons shining, casting an eerie glow in the otherwise murky depth of the lake. Draco's hair floats, the small tendrils weaving in and out of the weed as he slithers between them, his smile hasn't left his face since they submerged themselves in to the cold water. Harry's eyes couldn't pull away from that smile.

"Hurry up you before I decide to leave you behind." Draco laughs, bubbles escaping from his mouth as he kicks away. Harry swims after him, half dazed with the thoughts that are running through his head-he wants to kiss him, hold him tight, mark him so that everyone knows who he belongs to...he wants to run away from these thoughts, as far as he can and never look back at them again.

"...right?" Harry's head snaps to where Draco's waiting expectantly for an answer.

"What? Sorry I-Sorry." he mumbles out, swerving out of the way of the others hand.

"I said-do you know what it doesn't matter." a frown marred his face, the enthusiasm leaking out of his movement.

"Sorry. I was out of it, please tell me?"

"I told you it doesn't matter." Harry halted the others movement, his hand clasped tightly around a slender pale wrist.

"Obviously it does matter, you're upset." The blond snorted.

"And you'd be an expert in my feelings Potter?" The use of his surname burned, he dropped his arm.

"Draco..."

"NO! Just drop it!"

"Just tell me!"

"Why?! Why can't you jus-" the rest of his sentence was lost, a sharp point was pressing into his pale throat, small wisps of crimson floated away as it was dug deeper. Their underwater argument had brought unwanted attention. Blunt grey faces tinged with green loomed into focus from the darkness, their fiery hair loomed behind them as the chieftain spoke up.

"What brings you here wizards?" his voice was almost musical, alluring and gentle. "You have disturbed our peace."

"I'm sorry, we didn't mean to disturb you. We were swimming, we were just about to leave." Harry said frantically, his eyes glued on the swirling red threads that twisted and twirled before disappearing.

"Lies." The one that held the trident at Draco's throat hissed. "The boy lies, they were wondering deeper and deeper-headed towards our sanctuary." her arms twisted deeper.

"PLEASE! You're hurting him!" He tried to swim towards the woman, wrench her arm away but the small gathering of mermen kept him at bay.

"We-didn't mean t-to! We don't...even know w-where your...sanctuary is, we we-re only in the water f-for a sswim." Draco gasped out.

"Please. Please just let us leave." Harry begged the chieftain. The man shook his head.

"You've disturbed our peace, you must be punished, it is the law of our people. No creature in this lake or above it comes near, no creature has ever dared. Our rules are changed for no one, not even the great Harry Potter."

"We won't come here again, please. We're sorry and we won't come here again!" Short gaspings pulled all their attentions. Draco scratched at his throat, his eyes bulging wide as he kicked his legs frantically. Harry wrenched himself free from the grips of the mermen, Draco's skin was retracting from between his toes and fingers, his gills slowly disappearing-it was completely human fingers that tore at his throat. Without thinking he pulled out his wand from the holster tied to his leg.

"Move back!" He yelled, pointing his wand to the mass of bodies. "Let us go and nobody'll get hurt." The woman that held Draco tried to surge forward to attack him but a small wave that erupted from his wand sent her spinning off course. He grabbed one of the blond's flailing hands, his wand pointed at the mermen who were hissing but falling back. He swam faster, tugging on Draco until the others fell out of sight, only then did he swim faster, one arm circled around Draco's waist. His fingers were slowly changing back, each breath laboured but the light was getting brighter, the air cooler and he could see the shape of the branches that hung over the banks of the lake. 20 meters, 10...7...2...the air was pushed out of him as he made contact with the surface. His teeth chattered as he yanked the other on to the bank where their clothes had been left. He muttered a quick drying charm over them both then began to rub Draco's hands between his own.

"Come on, wake up. Please just wake up. Please, please please." He pulled the black slacks Draco had been wearing before diving in, trying to yank them on to the others leg, rubbing any bit of cold skin he could get his hands on. "Come on, please Draco. Please just wake up." his teeth were chattering, his hands trembling both out of fear and cold. "Please, please. Please come on."

...

Harry's eyes opened slowly, a burning pain shot through him when the light hit his eyes, everything was a blurry mess. It took him seconds to realise what had woken him up.

"How stupid could you get?" A shrill voice continued to yell, he feigned sleep and listened on. "I told you, Mr Malfoy that we were letting you back into this school on a very slim chance. What did I say to you? Didn't I tell you that one mistake, one mistake and you'd have to pay for it." Her voice grew softer. "I thought you were serious about wanting another chance, I thought you meant it."

"Professor." Harry bit back a groan of pain as he tried, in vain, to sit up. "Professor it wasn't his fault." he said as she turned her stern gaze towards him.

"It's far too common to see you in this room Mr Potter." He smiled apologetically but carried on.

"It was my fault we were outside, it was my stupid idea that got us hurt." he had no idea what story Draco had told Mcgonagall.

"You Potter? How could you be so stupid?" She asked, looking so incredulous. He laughed lightly, shaking his head.

"You shouldn't be surprised Professor, I tend to have stupid ideas." Her lips thinned.

"This wasn't stupid Potter, this was beyond that. Stealing gillyweed, swimming in the lake, the merpeople?" damn, Draco had told the truth then.

"I've been under that water before, I wanted to show him as well, I really didn't mean for things to turn out the way they did." he said sheepishly.

"Merlin Potter, you could've been killed."

"I'm sorry." he peeked a glance towards the blond, who looked simply gobsmacked.

"Potter...You...I'll see you nine o'clock on thursday for your detention Mr Potter."

"Why did you lie?" Draco's voice was small, almost inaudible when McGonagall finally left.

"I didn't, it was my fault. If I hadn't shouted they wouldn't have heard us-I got you hurt." He smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry for getting you hurt."

Draco shook his head quickly. "I-we were both being idiots, I shouldn't have started an argument with you in the middle of the lake," He gave a short deprecating laugh "I guess we'll always argue, the two of us, no matter how hard we try to get along."

Harry pulled himself out of bed, groaning at the effort it took to swing himself out and walk across the cold stone slabs on to Draco's bed.

"I think we were doing rather well actually. I like arguing with you." He said quietly, a small smile gracing his features.

"Yeah?" The blond looked up from beneath light brown curled lashes, his mercury eyes hooded and a sly smirk on his face. The monster in Harry's chest woke from his long slumber, stretching with an almighty roar. The pacing it picked up was more hurried and urgent than it had been with Ginny; a pang of want that shot through him as he took in this ethereal beauty before him.

And by God was Draco beautiful; he was filled with such broken strength-the type that no matter how scarred and torn it became it couldn't be torn from him, so loud was his silence that even in the quiet the war had brought out in him he was still a beacon of attention-wherever he went eyes followed him filled with loathing and hatred...except Harry's, so quiet was his authority that it shouldn't have existed-Harry should not have had the urge to listen to every single word that fell from those sinful lips but he did, he hung on to them like a drowning man hangs on to every last gasp of air.

Draco Malfoy was a walking contradiction; Harry wanted to kiss those damn lips, the high cheekbones and narrow wanted to brush his over the lilac eyelids that fluttered in slumber like the wings of a butterfly, the pale expanse of collarbone that smoothed over into a toned chest, the shoulder that wasn't as milky white as one would suspect but coated in a golden dusting of freckles from a sunny day long ago but he also wanted to run, run as far away as he possibly could-the fear that gripped him this time was worse than when he stood and embraced death in the forest clearing, it was greater than it had been when he faced the Horntail or found Quirrell in the final chamber-because this was it. He knew that if he fell this time he wouldn't be getting up again, there was no leaving, no turning back this time around.

His eyes flickered down to the blond's lip, the little stud that made it look even more plump and the soft pink tongue that flicked out slowly under his scrutinising gaze. The little bud opened slightly, the warmth from Draco's breath wafting across to him and he wanted to take, to take everything the other had to offer him.

"Yeah," He whispered, moving back and away back to his own bed. "We'll be absolutely fine." he muttered, ignoring the shaky exhale that came from his left. It wasn't right, Draco would never want him like that.

...

For a moment Draco had been positive that he was going to be kissed, had even anticipated it even with his heart picking up double speed and his lungs constricting. He hadn't wanted it; he mentally scoffed, of course he did want Pot-Head's bloody lips on his! No, what made him furious was that the stupid Scar-face obviously, despite everything, must have thought that Draco wasn't worthy of him, wasn't worthy of the bloody saviour of the world to grace him with a kiss! Oh no! How could Draco even think of kissing the Boy Who Lived when he himself was an ex-Death Eater-scum?

He shook his head, turning his back to the other boy as he burrowed into the covers. No, Harry Potter wasn't worth this feeling.

...

_Bind me back together, hold me tight_

Three weeks passed, the snow melted turning the ground into brown sludge that squelched underfoot. Three weeks of radio silence from Draco. It was for the best Harry decided after a unsettling weight made home in the pit of his stomach and the animal within clawed at his chest to fix the rift he had created.

He had a routine set up; get out of bed, run, shower, breakfast, smile at Ron and Hermione, go to lessons, do homework and then bed. Restart the routine the next day. It was working for him, he didn't miss studying with Dra-Malfoy, he didn't miss his smirk or sarcasm or biting wit-no definitely not.

It wasn't until the end of January that his routine was smashed to pieces. He had ambled out of bed late-the first sign that maybe he should have not bothered with the day. Breakfast had been subdued, he had entered and scanned the room for the famous platinum hair, tamping down on the feeling of disappointment when he didn't find it. A tense silence seemed to permeate from the Ravenclaws as many of them whipped their heads constantly, one eye on the great wooden doors.

It wasn't until towards the end of breakfast, when Harry had almost finished his porridge when the commotion was heard from outside. He joined the throng of people clamoring to get to the courtyard. Draco kneeled on the stone with his shoulders sloped in defeat and his head bowed hiding his face, a Ravenclaw stood above him with his wand raised.

The boy's mouth opened just as Harry whipped out his wand, his shout of 'protego' was too slow to stop the spell that hit Draco, propelling him backwards into a bench. The sharp crack of skull hitting the edge of wood resounded throughout the courtyard, forcing Harry into action. He launched himself at the boy, pinning him down to hit him with every ounce of strength he had.

"What," punch "the hell," punch "do you think" punch "you were doing?!" He roared, ignoring the screaming and shouting from behind him. Strong arms encircled him from behind, dragging him still kicking and punching from the Ravenclaw's body.

"LEMME GO RON! Lemme GO!" He thrashed, aching to get back there, to beat the idiot who had touched what was his.

"Mr Potter!" McGonagall's voice cut through the noise, the crowd quieted down immediately, all fight going out of Harry as he deflated, he looked at Hermione who nodded once, moving away to check on Draco. "What on earth is going on here?!" she demanded, looking from the Ravenclaw to Draco's unconscious body to Harry.

"Well Mr. Potter, Mr. Davos...do you two have an explanation for this?!"

The Ravenclaw-Davos straightened, pulling himself from the ground and spitting out the blood from his mouth. "He's gone nuts, Potter's gone nuts-just started attacking me from nowhere!"

"Oh yeah and Draco was just lying here unconscious right? You have nothing to with that right?!" The sarcasm dripped from his mouth. "You haven't just beaten and knocked a guy out have you?"

"Guy?!" Davos laughed, pointing to the blond, "That's a man? He doesn't deserve to be acknowledged as a man, let alone deserve _your_ pity." Ron held him back from his second attempt at lunging at the other. "Why do you care Potter?"

"That's enough Mr Davos!" McGonagall called.

"No! No it's not enough!" He whipped his finger around, jabbing it towards Harry, "You should be punishing them, you should be keeping us safe from Death Eaters and Slytherin dirt but INSTEAD you've decided to become friends with him. You've forgotten everything he and his kind have done to us and become buddies, fucking chums with the likes of Malfoy." Harry's laugh surprised Ron enough to relax his old. He shrugged out of the others grip, addressing the Ravenclaw head on.

"There's nothing to keep you safe from Davos. Voldemort's gone, the Death Eaters are gone, the war is over-if anyone needs protecting it's Malfoy and other's like him from the likes of you. You and people like you who are disrupting the peace with this stupid need for revenge are the only things that are left wrong with this world of ours."

"How dare-"

"How dare you Davos decide to take justice into your own hands?!" He roared, "How dare you even think that you are allowed to pass judgement on to others. Was the minister wrong? Was wizengamot wrong when they pronounced Draco and others like him free men? Without the Malfoy's I would be dead, Voldemort would have gotten past his final obstacle and taken over the world. I owe him and his mother a life debt and I plan to repay them for it in any way that I can."

"What and fucking him is the answer?"

"Mr Davos!"

"How long until he turns on you huh? I'm just looking out for you!" It's Ron that answers him, that pushes Harry behind him to keep him at bay and looks the boy right in the eye.

"I think after everything Harry deserves to live his life the way he wants, without input from anyone else. If he decides someone is worthy of being his friend than we accept it and pray that it works out."

For his troubles he receives four detentions, he should have waited for the teachers is the only explanation he gets. Frederick Davos get's two terms worth of detentions as well as counselling to handle the trauma of losing his mother to a Death Eater raid during the war-the point that tipped him over and pushed him to blame everyone else for his pain. Harry wishes he didn't understand but he does; that could have easily been him-hating the world and everyone in it for the troubles he had faced, for the people he had lost. in the end he doesn't think he's turned out so bad.

...

"What's the tally up to now huh?" He asks the familiar face, once again in an all too familiar setting. Draco's propped up against the hospital wing's pillows, the swollen bruise around his eye had almost disappeared and the welts of yellow and purple that had marred his beautiful skin completely invisible.

"Shut up Potter," He chuckles lightly, swatting Harry on the shoulder before moving to rest his head against it. "Thank you." he mumbles so quietly Harry would not have heard it if it had not been uttered by his throat. He swallowed thickly.

"For what?"

"For sticking up for me. For making it stop."

Harry glanced down at the body curled into his, he was so tired. So tired of denying the one thing he had dared to want since forever. He had never been able to see a future for himself, could imagine Ginny living her life, marrying a faceless man but had never been able to envision himself as that man, had never dared to think of himself as anything but a pig for slaughter but now, now he wanted it, he wanted a future filled with banter and sarcasm. He wanted someone who would push and pull, who would look past his fame and challenge him. He wanted someone who would trade barbed insults and tender words of sweet nothings. He wanted someone who'd make him feel as if he was at the top of the world whilst also as if the floor had been pulled from under him. He wanted Draco.

All too soon it morphed into that scene from three weeks prior. His eyes flickered down to the blond's lip, the little stud that made it look even more plump and the soft pink tongue that flicked out slowly under his scrutinising gaze. The little bud opened slightly, the warmth from Draco's breath wafting across to him and he wanted to take, to take everything the other had to offer him.

And this time he moved forwards instead of back, took what he wanted as he closed the short distance between them and captured soft and slightly dry lips against his own. He held back a moan as Draco opened up beneath him, a probing tongue flicking out slightly as wandering hands grabbed his hair as if to stop him-as if Harry would...could...ever even think of leaving. He had yet to find the answers to the purpose of his life but maybe, just maybe he could find the answers with Draco by his side.

_I don't want heaven as long as I get you_


End file.
